Spilling Thoughts

It's my 7th day since I started being wide awake in the midnight and fall asleep in the morning until noon. Every night the voices in my head speaks louder and louder. So much unfinished business calling me while I'm trying to close my eyes. Yes, I am still restless and couldn't erase the guilt from my mind, of what has happened in the past few weeks.

Keep in mind, zid, you must not stress over it, you shall finish your business and trust that Allah will easen things.

Indeed, every hardships comes with ease.

Inginku menyampaikan kekaguman pada seorang teman. Dulunya pendiam, pernah jadi anak nakal. Kini sudah berhijrah dan bahkan berani berdakwah.

Dakwah dengan cara yang menyenangkan. Tidak meninggi padahal ilmunya tinggi. Selalu merendah agar bisa terjamah.

Dia bukan teman yang dekat. Tapi dia figur yang dekat. Ya sama-sama mahasiswa dan melalui dinamika yang sama sebagai mahasiswa. Mungkin kesamaan itu yang bikin lebih mudah berempati dengannya. Dan meminjam kacamatanya untuk melihat perspektif yang sama tentang dunia. Baik ya, mau minjemin kacamata, hehe.

2016, was a tough year. Also, a breakthrough-limit-year.

There are moments that I would just lay down in my bed and get tearful. I'm not being dramatic. It wasn't just once or twice, my heart was really fragile throughout the year. I get sensitive easily. Most of my time was stressful (and lonely). Even tested with depression scale, I was categorized in moderate depression. Gladly, I'm aware of the things that made me depressive. At some moments I would regret being a psychology student, because then I knew how unhealthy psychologically I was all this time. But on the other side, I should be grateful 'cause it was an outpatient cure for me too. hehe. Guess it was part of growing up where I must hardly leave my childhood and begin to struggle for the future.

Every cloud has a silver lining.
Despite the hard times I've been through, there are memories that I am grateful of. As I said before, this year I have been (trying to) break through my limit. 

As some of you may know, I don't really talk much with my friends or even in public. My grandma used to be a headmaster and a teacher, my dad is a lecture. And people (will) expect me to be like them in some way. Basically, both profession needs good communication skill (which I don't). I decided to participate as a co-trainer for the new student orientation in my campus. I do realize that it was pretty hard for me to spontaneously speak in public. I'm the kind of person which needs to write down a speech text the night before. But yea, at least I had an experience 'cause experience is the best teacher

Wreksodiningrat 9

SGTAJ

I don't know what its gonna be like in 2017. I don't wanna hope for something too big and unrealistic. My wish and also my kind of resolution for this year is to be happy and make other people happy too. Bahagia itu sederhana,kan?

Ternyata bukan perkara yang mudah. Untuk menjadi adaptif dalam masyarakat yang berada pada dua polar yang berbeda. Idealisme, profesionalisme, terkadang membuat kita tak pantas dalam rakyat kecil. Karena pendidikan telah membuat kami jadi pribadi yang kaku. Ekspektasi menuntut kami. Tak membebaskan kami mencari sendiri, pohon apa yang sebenarnya kami tumbuhi.

Saat mulut-mulut mereka beradu argumen, menceritakan kisah-kisah, entah fakta atau prasangka.

Aku, memilih untuk diam.

Diam adalah cerminan kebijaksanaan.

Orang dewasa, berwibawa, berkharisma, mereka diam.

Tak banyak bicara, banyak bekerja.

Kata-kata yang terucap tidaklah orang ketahui kebenarannya.

Jika tak dapat mempertanggungjawabkannya, diamlah.

Diam tak pernah salah.

Diam teruslah diam.

Sampai diajak bicarapun tetap diam.